The phone was ringing incessantly and I rushed to pick it up. His familiar husky voice was on the other side - 'so I'll see you at 8pm at Gauge. I'll be wearing a black hat'. I smiled and uttered a faint 'yes'. I sensed something strange about this man, and the feeling never left me for a moment in the last three months. I haven't actually seen him; this would be our first meeting.
I got his card from a guy called Alex, the Australian bartender at Gauge who served about three months ago when I first moved to Hoxton. I was planning what to wear - the red dress to my knee and the black fur coat should be fine but I hadn't worn red since my awful experience with Tarquin and frankly I now associate red with evil. Sometimes I actually wonder if he or anyone else in my 'past' even bothered to find me or send a message on the mobile phone I chucked in the Thames.
It has been a bizarre few months I must say, and Jack is the main reason for this. He owns Gauge amongst other successful businesses including Image; the modelling agency that boast the likes of Gisele Bundchen. Image is exactly what this is about. Alex continuously issued me with free drinks saying ?compliments from the owner' and to be honest I could not resist if anything it became addictive. Three hours later, I had poured my heart out to Alex and I was terribly intoxicated. Luckily my flat was just three doors away and he kindly walked me home. He was my only friend on earth.
I decided against wearing red and began rummaging through my wardrobe.
The very thought of actually meeting Jack was like a dream, a fantasy that was about to turn to reality. I felt like a teenager with a strong crush, riding on a cloud of fantasy and I didn't want to be pulled down to earth. I dreamt of him, a shadowy image so many times, although we had never met he had seen me numerous times on the CCTV footage for the bar. 'Let's keep that a secret', he said. Every time I asked him what he looked like or why things had to be this way.
CHECK BACK ON 12/03/08 FOR THE UPDATE
XOXO
]]>I imagined how amazing I would look that night at Tarquin's party, feeling warm and tingly at the thought of him staring. The telephone then disturbed my precious thoughts and I was thrust back into the reality of the working world. Paris & Co wasn't a bad place to work really and the solicitors were very pleasant. It was based in the heart of Portobello with a Grade II listed building; to make it even better I lived on the same street. I was lucky enough to get this job straight after completing my English degree at Birkbeck University.
At exactly 5pm I heard the familiar ring tone that meant my childhood friend Anna was calling. She sounded even more excited than usual and I told her to hurry up as it was cold standing outside my work place! We first headed to 'The Loft' for a few drinks then straight back to mine for a few hours of beautification before the big night. Hair, make up and a few glasses of champagne later, then we were ready to go. 'Wow!' said Anna 'You look amazing!' The slightly jealous look on Anna's face made me feel great and again I though of Tarquin and how he might react. When we finally arrived, fashionably late as usual, at the Hilton Hotel on Park Lane there was a ridiculously long cue growing by the minute, which included a few faces I recognised. We walked straight to the front and were let in by Tarquin's cousin, Nathaniel. I had been on and off with Tarquin for two years. The reason for that was Clara - a psycho of a woman who always had a habit of showing up just when things were going great between us. Clara happened to be at the party with a friend of Anna's and the four of us stood there chatting until Clara felt uncomfortable and headed towards the ladies. We eventually parted ways after which Anna and I headed to the bar. On their way, I noticed Tarquin looking delicious in the black Armani suit I'd sent him for his birthday the week before. Just as I knew he would - he carried it well. I could feel the whole room watching me as I appoached him - at least that's how it felt! As the two of us headed over to the bar Tarquin kissed me on my cheek and without even giving me time to say anything he ordered a bottle of champagne for Anna and myself then disappeared. He didn't even give me a chance to comment on the suit - he just waltzed off to speak to everybody else in the room. My evening then went from bad to worse and after seeing Tarquin having an intense conversation with his ex, I officially felt quite terrible. To top it off Anna was too busy having a good time to care about my feelings!
At about 1am, after drinking to drown my sorrows, the next destination was the after party at Tarquin's. There was a huge crowd of smokers outside the 5 bedroom mansion in Baker Street and this time we were welcomed by Tarquin himself. Even though I was pleased about this I had to let him know I wasn't happy at being dismissed at the hotel party, so I walked past without even a glance in his direction. I headed to the kitchen to get a drink and unfortunately Charles decided to try out his flirting skills which didn't go down too well. I left quite abruptly, not caring if he was offended, and headed in the direction of Tarquin's room. As I got further down the hallway I could here moans and the closer I got the louder they became. As I placed my ear against the door the unthinkable happened. The door opened. To my horror, it was Tarquin! And he was going at it with a blonde. I couldn't see her face but I was sure it was Clara. I sat on the floor outside the room and began to cry. There were three girls in the hallway whispering and probably laughing at me. This was the limit I thought as I felt sorry for myself. After a trip to the rest room, I found a very drunken Anna in the reception room. As I looked around at all her school friends and acquaintances, I realised that I was not that person anymore: a shallow, boring generic middle class imbecile with nothing interesting to say. I grabbed Anna and walked out of the house fully aware that everyone was whispering and talking about me. We flagged a black cab. On the way, I read yet another text message from my mother complaining about never coming home.
This is the end
My only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
Ill never look into your eyes...again
Can you picture what will be
So limitless and free
Desperately in need...of some...strangers hand
In a...desperate land
As I lay awake at the age of 24, My thoughts were to my undistinguished career, my non existent love life and the awful relationship I had with her mother. I turned the volume up on here ceiling speakers and sang along to 'The Doors' ?this is the end.''
I noticed a little note by my pillow from Anna saying she didn't want to wake me up as she had to leave early.
Tears came rushing out of my eyes as I remembered what had happened the night before. I had come to an all time low.
I wondered if there was a way out of all of this. And there it was. I would run away from her mundane life. I would try everything possible ONCE.
]]>